The Enigma of Eleanor
by tonguemarksonmymirror
Summary: Chidi has always been fascinated by Eleanor, but some of her behavior has been too baffling even for him, until he realized that she had feelings for Tahani. Cheleanor friendship, implied Elhani. Canon divergence from 3x03.


_**Standard Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the characters or premise of The Good Place, so please don't sue me! Reviews are appreciated!

Chidi Anagonye considered himself a fairly observant person. As a moral philosophy professor, it was his job to be able to pick up on nuance and interpret it. When Eleanor Shellstrop came crashing into his life, his skills were put to the test.

She was…loud and brash and _fascinating_. She made decisions quickly (too quickly, according to him, but seeing as it once took him 20 minutes and a crying spell to decide which pair of uniform pants he would wear to school- never mind that they were identical- he realized that his opinion may be biased). She _did things_ and never looked back. No thought of the consequences, no regrets. Eleanor Shellstrop lived her life in one direction, and it was forward.

Sure, the others in the study were interesting too, but none of them captivated him like Eleanor did. Her behavior was endlessly enigmatic, her choices devoid of any rationality that he understood. According to her, she had joined every single group her college offered, even the religious ones that contradicted each other, just for the "free swag", and then never participated in any of them. Yet she was determined and committed when she wanted to be. She was…layers and layers of juxtapositions.

Of all her mismatched traits, the most interesting to him was how unabashedly self-confident she was for someone with such a low self-awareness. Granted, emotional intelligence and intrapersonal awareness were both areas in which Chidi excelled (rightfully so, having devoted his entire life to the pursuit of what it means to be a good person), but Eleanor was abysmally awful at anything having to do with emotions, insecurities, hopes, fears, dreams…the things that made people human.

So, observing her was…enjoyable. Was that the right word? Could he use that word to describe a subject in one of his studies? Was that morally okay, or breaking some sort of rule about ethical treatment of subjects in research studies? He had a stomachache. He always had a stomachache.

But perhaps he could review the observations he had made about her in an objective, impersonal way, free of any bias he might ascribe to her actions. Yes, that could work. It was scientific. He was being scientific. Okay. He rested his head in his hands. Sheaves of paper covered his desk; the result of months of meticulous observation and notetaking about each of his three subjects. Eventually he would review everyone's observations, but right now, he would focus on Eleanor. After all, she arrived first. Her pile was therefore the largest. It would only make sense to start there.

First of all, she had arrived unbidden and unannounced, just knocking on his office door one afternoon, claiming that she needed to learn how to be a good person. While it thrilled him that people were finally taking a greater interest in moral philosophy (an underrated branch, in his opinion), her sudden appearance puzzled him. _Why_ did people finally care about moral philosophy? He had listened to good-natured ribbing about how no one liked moral philosophy professors for years (which he could argue was not a moral action because it led to emotional pain in others, but if that "others" was only him, and everyone else agreed that no one liked moral philosophy professors, then maybe it _was_ moral…was _this_ why no one liked moral philosophy professors?). It was refreshing to have a student take such a personal interest in the subject…even one as unusual as Eleanor, who made a sexual innuendo out of every third word. And sure, she was easily distracted, but he could always get her back on track. She genuinely wanted to learn, and nothing thrilled him more.

Second, her general demeanor had changed drastically since her arrival. Initially, she was rude and selfish and interrupted him constantly with her crass (if, he begrudgingly admitted, witty) comments. Now, she was able to listen for hours, even taking notes of instead of doodling muscular men in various states of undress (once he mixed up his notebook with hers and was _very_ confused why its pages were full of inappropriate drawings instead of moral philosophy notes). She used to stuff entire handfuls of candy from the receptionist's candy bowl inside her purse, citing the established precedent (her words) of "you snooze you lose" through a mouthful of Jolly Ranchers. He found it hard to believe that this same person had helped him and Simone start dating.

But the oddest change was the vast decrease in how much she talked about herself. When she first arrived, she voiced her opinion on everything, from the Kardashians' lunch choices, to which stores were the best to shoplift from (she was a fairly limited person). He could tell you everything from her coffee order to her favorite outfit. She basically _never_ stopped talking about herself. Lately though, she'd been more reserved, and he was curious as to why that was.

Thinking back, it began when he had recruited the others to his study. Eleanor was far more open when it was just them, showing glimpses of a deeper, more vulnerable side of her. Around the others, she always put on a front, joking and keeping things superficial…actually, the way she had around him when they'd first met. Huh. He felt honored that she allowed him in to see the real her.

Could she possibly feel resentful towards Jason and Tahani? Like they had pushed her out and taken him away from her? It was definitely a possibility. Eleanor had certainly become more reserved after they joined the study.

Oh no…did Eleanor have feelings for him? He remembered that one time where Eleanor offered to rate him on Rate My Professor in order to boost his hotness rating because "you're a hot chili, Chidi. Heh. Chili Chidi." Oh no. This was bad. This was really bad. Did he do something to encourage her behavior? He believed that his relationship towards her was strictly student/teacher, despite her insistence on being highly inappropriate. But the responsibility was his, as the teacher, to establish the proper dynamic between them. If there was something there, he should shut it down. His stomach hurt again.

But wait…she had set him up with Simone. She encouraged them to go on dates and cheered when she caught them kissing. Not once did this cause her any anguish (and he would have known if it did; Eleanor loved to complain). This didn't seem like the behavior of someone with a conflict of interests. For once, her motivations seemed pure. Apparently she had learned something from him. He felt a swelling sense of pride.

No…she wasn't romantically interested in him. Shuffling through his papers, he found the notes he took the day when Tahani and Jason had arrived.

Jason's arrival didn't appear to have a significant impact on Eleanor. Aside from some light teasing about Florida and the Jacksonville Jaguars, she had welcomed Jason, claiming that he would lower the curve for her (all of Chidi's insistence that this was not a formal class and she wouldn't be graded went unheard). The only other notes about their interactions were that they enjoyed going to sports bars together and Eleanor enjoyed encouraging Jason to make poor decisions (a trend that had abated the more she learned about moral philosophy, thank goodness. Chidi wasn't sure how much more Jason's liver could take).

Tahani's arrival, on the other hand, was far more interesting. Eleanor hadn't poked fun at her at all, a departure from her usual way of introducing herself. No, wait. She had put on a horribly fake posh British accent after Tahani had gone to freshen up and announced that she couldn't _possibly_ _impose_ on Eleanor's hospitality because her long, toned legs wouldn't fit in Eleanor's motel room, and her flawless caramel skin required a 15-step skincare routine that might break her room's flimsy sink. Chidi had rolled his eyes at Eleanor's childishness then, but now it intrigued him. Even her insults were somehow…compliments veiled as insults? Was that a thing?

Yet, she had offered Tahani a place to stay, immediately and without a second thought. She hadn't gushed over Kamilah the way most people would, even when presented with the chance for a free autograph. And most curiously, Eleanor made consistent eye contact with Tahani instead of flicking her gaze down towards her phone every few seconds.

Chidi set his notes aside, focusing on now on his personal memories of Eleanor. Her behavior towards Tahani was…strange.

In fact, Eleanor looked at Tahani more often than she looked at anyone else when they were all together…always furtive little glances paired with an upward quirk of her lip, like she was stealing morsels of happiness. Her entire face would light up whenever Tahani entered the room; not blindingly like a floodlight, but more of a warm glow, like a firefly.

Chidi was sure no one else had noticed this- Tahani being rather preoccupied with whatever it was she was saying at the moment, Jason being tuned out the majority of the time, and Simone focusing on running the actual experiments. He was also the only one aware that Eleanor would make excuses to spend more time around Tahani (who was _totally_ not her first choice, dude, but if he was going to be lame and not participate in the partner activities, what choice did she have?), and then use the opportunity to tease her mercilessly about her aristocratic upbringing and taste in men.

Yet, when she thought no one was looking, she could be uncharacteristically sweet. When Jason broke it off with Tahani after he met a female Jaguars fan in his group, it was Eleanor who was there to pick her up with a bottle of Chardonnay. He'd wondered why Eleanor would consult him about wine, but when Tahani swanned in the next day, perfectly prim and perky, he had caught Eleanor's eye and she looked away quickly. It was Eleanor who most vociferously berated Tahani's parents for their abysmal parenting, saying that they were lucky to have such an amazing daughter (Chidi wasn't entirely certain about this, but he thought he heard Eleanor mutter the phrase "with a bangin' bod" under her breath). And it was Eleanor who congratulated Tahani the loudest when she announced her relationship with Larry Hemsworth.

Something about her congratulations rang false to Chidi though. Her smile was toothy and wide, but it didn't meet her eyes, and her cheerful tone sounded hollow. He hadn't given it much thought at the time, because Eleanor had immediately moved on to commenting on Larry's height and what it meant, ahem, proportionally, but looking back, she was definitely down.

Now that he thought about it, it was painfully obvious what was going on. The looks, the teasing, the incessant comments on Tahani's appearance. Eleanor had feelings for Tahani. It wasn't an option Chidi had considered earlier because she commented on _all_ of their appearances. On more than one occasion, she'd even called Jason a "straight hottie". He thought this was just how she talked. Eleanor was so aggressive about her attraction to men (seriously, he wasn't sure if he could hear her talk about mailmen and the _packages_ they could deliver to her ever again) that Chidi hadn't considered that she might be attracted to women too. In retrospect, he should've realized earlier that when Eleanor casually mentioned she thought about Tahani and Jason hooking up, she liked the _whole_ image.

It was kind of on him that he had just assumed Eleanor was straight, and he chastised himself for it. Had diversity training at work gone completely over his head? Of course lots of people weren't cisgender or heterosexual. A fair number of his students weren't, and he had always tried his best to make them feel more comfortable (though when a gender-neutral student told him that Chidi could use they or xe to refer to them…xim…his brain almost exploded because he couldn't bear having to choose every time he wanted to address his student). But he had failed his own friend…well, subject in his study. No. She was his friend. He was sure of this.

Having finished reviewing his notes on Eleanor, he returned to the others in the study. His mind kept returning to Eleanor, though. Should he say something? It wouldn't be ethical to confront her about this. He should just keep it to himself.

* * *

It wasn't until a couple weeks later, when Tahani announced that Larry had proposed to her, that Chidi changed his mind about talking to Eleanor. She was the loudest in voicing her congratulations to Tahani, oohing over her engagement ring (which was _very_ large, Chidi had to admit) and speculating about whether Larry's tuxedo would properly showcase his muscles.

But Chidi could see the cracks in her bravado. She held onto Tahani's hand just a little too long when admiring her ring, letting Tahani's fingers slip out gently from between her hands where she had them clasped. And despite her talk about how attractive Larry must be ("A third Hemsworth brother? Clearly Hollywood hid him away because he could kill us by flexing"), Chidi could tell her heart wasn't in it. She slipped away as the others crowded around Tahani, clamoring to see the ring and asking a barrage of questions. Where would the wedding be held? Have they set a date yet? Were they invited? Did she have a theme? Was the theme the Jaguars?

Chidi rolled his eyes and tore himself away from the group. He spotted Eleanor inching towards the classroom door, clearly trying to be stealthy, but with all the subtlety of a bulldozer. Luckily the others were distracted and didn't see her leave.

He waited a few beats, then followed her out to the hallway, giving her a wide berth to see what she'd do.

She headed towards the restroom, then seemed to change her mind and went for the building's exit instead, causing her to walk right by Chidi.

He put a hand on her shoulder, and she whirled around to face him.

"Hey, man, it's not cool to touch random peo-oh hey, Chidi. I didn't see you." She exhaled. "What are you doing out here? Why aren't you in there celebrating with the others?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He frowned, taking in the tinge of red rimming her eyes and how glossy they looked.

"I had to visit the ladies' room. Y'know, take a leak." She chuckled, shifting her weight to one of her legs and crossing her arms.

Chidi ignored her crass remark. "Eleanor. I know you weren't going to the restroom. What's going on?"

"Stalker much?" She spat out disdainfully. "Why don't you go read your books by dead guys jerking each other off about how awesome they all were?"

"You can insult me as much as you want, Eleanor, but I'm not leaving you alone until I know that you're okay."

She softened, lowering her shoulders and dropping her arms to her side. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about the philosophy crack. But whoo, I'm beat." She yawned dramatically. "I think I'm gonna head home and get started on those reflection papers you wanted."

"I just assigned those today, and they're not due for another week. I know you. You don't do assignments right away."

Eleanor bristled. "Well maybe I've changed. Become a better person. Isn't that the goal here anyway?"

Chidi looked her in the eye. "Why are you really avoiding the group?"

"Okay dude, I'm gonna level with you. Engagements, parties, they're not really my scene. I don't have fun at them, and I don't wanna ruin it for Tahani, so I'm gonna bounce."

"Engagement parties, or this particular engagement?" Chidi inquired.

"What are you getting at?" Eleanor asked warily.

"Look, it might be none of my business, but I'm getting the sense that you're not thrilled about Tahani being engaged."

"Yah, bro, you're right; it _is_ none of your business." Eleanor hmphed. "But that's the only thing you said that's right. I'm super happy that Tahani is engaged. Ecstatic even." She pasted on a grin and waved her hands around festively.

"Right…that's why you're out here, alone, instead of celebrating with her," he deadpanned.

"Technically, I'm not alone, because you're out here too," she pointed out.

"You're deflecting. I know I might be pushing my luck, but how do you really feel about Tahani being engaged?"

"Hey, is that Janet?" Eleanor pointed behind Chidi, and he turned to look. When he turned back around, she was sprinting out the door.

By the time he reached the main door, she was already gone. Sighing, he called a cab to take him to her motel.

It was a building that had clearly been around a while, but was otherwise perfectly presentable. Seeing no one at the front desk, he went straight towards Eleanor's room and knocked.

"I don't need new towels!" She yelled.

Chidi knocked again.

"I just said I don't need new towels! Oh my god, can you just leave me the f-" She threw open the door, her anger deflating when she saw him.

"Oh, it's you." She walked back towards her bed and slumped down on it.

"Kind of glad I'm not the towel guy," he offered weakly.

Eleanor blew sharply through her nose. "No offense, man, but leave the defensive humor to me. It's not your thing."

"Can I come in?"

Eleanor shrugged noncommittally, sweeping her arm towards the bed. "Mi casa is su casa." She hurled herself backwards on the bed. "Sit wherever."

Chidi didn't really see any seating options aside from the bed and one plush chair in the corner, so he chose the latter, figuring it'd be better to be out of swiping range. She didn't really hit anymore, but she wasn't at her best right now.

"So…" he started carefully.

"Mm," Eleanor replied flatly, throwing an arm over her eyes. "Is it really bright in here? It's really bright in here."

Chidi didn't think it was that bright, but he pulled the curtains halfway closed to humor her.

Registering the change, she sat up. "Why are you here, Chidi?" Her voice wasn't angry or exasperated anymore. She sounded calm and…hurt.

"I wanted to see how you were."

"Oh, I'm just peachy. Flowers and rainbows everywhere." She snorted.

"Sarcasm won't help anyone, Eleanor."

"Oh right, sorry. I forgot that we were just supposed to be super kind and sweet all the time. Well too fucking bad."

"I can tell you're not okay, Eleanor."

"Really? Give Nerdlock Holmes a gold star!"

"Why don't you talk to me?" He pleaded.

"Why should I talk to you?" She shot back defiantly.

"Well, for one thing, I'm a moral philosophy professor, so I could help you make sense of what you're fee-"

"No one likes moral philosophy professors."

"Touché. But I'm also your friend, and I care about you. Look, I can see that something's bothering you. Will you tell me what it is?"

"Well, first of all, feelings are stupid, so jot that down, teach. Second of all, didn't anyone ever teach you to mind your own beeswax?"

Chidi could see that Eleanor wasn't going to budge, so he blurted out, "I know you're upset about Tahani getting engaged."

"Dude, we covered this. I'm freaking pissing myself with happiness. She's marrying a real-life Adonis. Who _wouldn't_ want a piece of that?"

He had to pull out his ace. "I don't think he's the one you want."

"What are you trying to say?" Eleanor challenged, daring him to say it.

He sighed, closing his eyes and taking a second to mull over the ethical ramifications of whether it was moral to make Eleanor confront her feelings, and whether he should just leave now- no. She was his friend. He had to help her.

"I think you have feelings for Tahani."

For a second, the room was silent. Then, Eleanor's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to let out the most raucous laughter Chidi had ever heard. She collapsed back on the bed, clutching at her stomach as peals of laughter rang out. Tears streamed down her face as her laughter finally trailed off on a whine.

"Oh my god, dude, are you high? I told you those mushrooms looked funky. But like…do you have any left?" She asked hopefully, sitting back upright.

"Eleanor, you've studied with me for a year. You've made so much progress learning how to be a good person. I know you're better than this." He stared her down.

She grimaced, sticking out her tongue at him. "Dammit, why does the disappointed teacher act always work?"

"Because you care about me and what I think of you," Chidi stated.

She let out an exasperated huff. "Fi-ine. I'm sorry for lashing out at you and implying that you were on drugs."

"You didn't imply it, you said it outright."

"Whatever, man. I apologized. Take it or leave it."

"Eleanor."

"Look, dude, I don't wanna talk about it. Can we just leave it alone?"

"I'd love to, but if we don't, you're never going to face this. You'll just keep burying it deeper and deeper until you end up lashing out at the worst possible moment."

"Yeah, that. I pick that option, let's do that."

"We both know that's unhealthy, Eleanor."

"Yeah well, I'm not in the mood to be psychoanalyzed by you right now."

"I'm not here to psychoanalyze you. I'm here as your friend who's worried about you and wants to give you a better outlet for your feelings than stuffing them down until you explode. This isn't part of the study. I'm not taking notes." He made a show of extending his empty hands towards her.

She regarded him cagily. "Let the record show that feelings are stupid and they suck."

"Duly noted. So…Tahani?"

Eleanor let out a long, shaky exhale. "What about her?"

"You have feelings for her."

"Do not."

"It's okay, Eleanor. You don't have to hide it from me."

"Hide what, exactly?"

"You just want me to say it when we both know what I'm talking about."

"You're the one who brought it up, so yeah dude, I'm gonna make you squirm a bit. Say. It."

"You're…bi."

"Yeah. So?"

"So nothing. I'm just surprised. You never said anything."

"Because it's no one's _fucking business_."

"You're right. But it might've helped you feel better to have someone to talk to about it."

"Oh please. I'm not an afterschool special. Believe it or not, I'm perfectly fine with who I am and who I'm attracted to. I've known since I was 11. The way I see it, I'm an equal opportunity dater, and I have twice the hot people to screw. It's really not a big deal. It's 2018; lots of people are bi."

"You're right, it's not a big deal to be bi. But you don't just want to sleep with Tahani. You have real feelings for her. I've seen the way you look at her."

"Okay, I will admit that she's incredibly attractive and her lips look like perfect plump pillows and her figure could stop traffic, but feelings? No way."

"Then why did you leave after she said she got engaged?"

"I told you, dude. It's not my thing. I hate groups celebrations, you know that."

"You led the singing at my birthday party."

"Because I knew the sooner we got the singing out of the way, the sooner we'd have cake."

"That's not why you did it. You wanted me to be happy."

"Ugh, when you say it like that it sounds so _sappy_." She rolled her eyes.

"For the last time, it's not sappy to want someone else to be happy, and you know that."

"Okay yeah, but I don't have feelings for Tahani, so stop bugging me."

"How did her getting engaged make you feel?"

"I mean, I'm happy for her, but I think she could do better than this guy. Don't get me wrong, he's still super jacked and I want to climb him like a tree, but he doesn't really have much of a personality, does he?"

Secretly, Chidi had to admit she had a point. He moved to sit on the bed next to her, finally feeling that the chances of him getting smacked were reasonably close to zero.

Eleanor twisted to face him.

"Tahani is…strong and determined and passionate and she needs someone whose personality can stand up to that. Sometimes she can be kind of a narcissistic monster and then she needs someone to put her back in her place. And then other times she needs someone to build her up because her parents got in her head and made her think she's worthless. Larry doesn't seem like he can do all that."

"That's a very thorough analysis."

"I'm smart, Chidi. I just usually don't give a shit."

"But you do about Tahani."

"She's my friend. I just want what's best for her."

"That person you described sounds a lot like you," he observed calmly.

"Does not!"

"Your personality can definitely stand up to Tahani's. Sometimes seeing you two in the same room can be overwhelming because you're both such strong personalities. But it works somehow. You talk Tahani down when she gets…pretentious. And we've all seen you encourage her when she's upset. Honestly, I've never seen anyone encourage so _violently_ , but it still works?"

"So I'm a good friend. I already knew that."

"We both know you were describing a romantic partner, Eleanor."

"So, what, you think I want to be Tahani's _girlfriend_? And you think I'm gonna do that by being _nice_? Like, doing stuff for her and complimenting her and shit? What are we, in middle school? Cause lemme tell you, it didn't work for Greg Wagner, and it's not gonna work for me." Her eyes went wide as she realized what she said.

"Oh _fuck_ , I wanna be Tahani's _girlfriend_!" She snaked a hand around her neck, rubbing it. "Why am I so itchy?"

"Wait, you genuinely didn't know you had feelings for her?"

"I told you, man. She's a sexy skyscraper, and yeah, I could have a good time with her in a room with a king-sized bed and a crate of granola bars, but feelings are… mushy."

"I know it's a lot to process. You don't have to work through all of it today. But you should try to work on it for your own sake. Tahani values your friendship. If you keep torturing yourself like this, you'd ruin that."

She smiled. "Thanks, Chidi." She wrapped her arms around him. "This was actually…not terrible. It's actually kinda nice talking with you." She stiffened and jerked away from him. "But don't tell anyone I said that!"

"I promise I won't tell anyone else that you experience human emotion."

"Oh thank God. Wouldn't want to ruin my image."

Chidi smiled, chuckling at the remark and shaking his head.

"I should head back to the others. It's a bad idea to leave Jason unsupervised for that long."

"Good call, dude. Tahani is definitely not enough to rein in that chaos."

She walked him to the door. "Thanks for coming to check up on me. It was really sweet of you."

He squeezed her hand, smiling at her warmly. "Anytime, Eleanor. Are you coming?"

She shook her head. "Not right now. I'll be there soon, but I just need to be alone for a while. Cover for me, okay?"

"You know my moral code forbids me from lying."

"Just say I wasn't feeling well. That's true."

"Okay." Chidi opened the door and had one foot outside when Eleanor called out.

"Oh, and Chidi?"

"Yeah?"

"That was the most decisive I've ever seen you. Good for you, bud. I'm proud of ya." She punched his shoulder playfully.

He had no idea what to say to that, so he just rubbed his shoulder. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. Have fun, dude. Tell Tahani congratulations from me."

"I will."

"Thanks. I'll be around later."

"See you, Eleanor."

"See ya, Chidi."

He walked down the motel hallway, mulling over the very confusing interaction he'd just had. Eleanor had gone from yelling at him to hugging him and had run the emotional gamut. She was guarded and open, selfish and selfless. Yes, Eleanor was an enigma, and he could never make sense of how all of the parts of her fit together, but maybe it was enough that they did.


End file.
